I want to die.

Why can't I be saved. Why do I even need to be saved. Why can't this just end painlessly.

I have tried, to the best of my ability, to make friends. And I have failed utterly. I have arrived at the end of my endurance as a human being. I am alone. And I am sorry.

I'm sorry I let you down, Pas. I'm sorry I couldn't find a better path forward. I'm sorry this had to hurt so much. You were right, Pas. You weren't strong enough after all.