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First post of 2021, and it has certainly been awhile. So long in fact, that my last post included the birthday drawings I recieved.

So much has happened in the year between, with many of life's up and downs included in the package.

I'd been in quite a slump, both in art and life for the last several months. The pressure of drawing reached a point where I could no longer even enjoy drawing. I enjoyed drawing because it was fun, but a big part of what made it fun to me was seeing how happy it could make people. Unfortunately, as your art reaches a wider audience, there will be people whom either disagree, or disapprove of what you create. I endeavor to keep my ears and mind open to criticisms, but sometimes it feels that people will assume the worst no matter what.

Each story, despite being written from personal experiences, is seen as a blanket statement. The intent behind my comics is stripped from my hands, and others are freely able to insert whatever message they see fit in my work. I honestly do not mind people having their own interpretation of my art, and I even understand if one were to feel that the approach I took in writing it was questionable or up for criticism. The part that was really disheartening for me was reading comments that placed themselves in my position, speaking for me. Reading comments that would just make up a statement while claiming it came from me. I can comprehend people reading my work however they see fit, but I draw the line at making up words to put in my mouth.

To be clear, I very rarely speak about my own work publically. I prefer to let the work stand on its own, which obviously leaves it very open to interpretation. To me, that is something I wish to remain. If there are criticisms of the story, or how it was written, I will gladly accept them. But please, please do not put words in my mouth about my very own stories. Please do not speak for me.

I've worked very hard to get back to a point where I can find the fun in drawing once more, and I'm scared to lose that feeling ever again. I will make every effort to be a stronger artist, but I'm also afraid of being blind to my own shortcomings. Luckily, I am surrounded by friends whom see the value in calling out if they feel someone has misstepped. I have friends I can trust.

I have made so many good friends over the course of last year, and grown with the friends I've had since before. I'm truly grateful to be surrounded by a group of such loving, kind and supportive people.

In turn, I'd like to write a short message to each who wished me well, in the hopes that they too can understand just how much they mean to me.

Dear Tamsi,

I would not be here without you, without your art, and your lively, uplifting spirit. It's so odd for someone my age to admire someone who is so much younger, but above my admiration, I consider you one of my dearest friends. I've learnt so much from you, and if I am someday able to repay what you have given me in life, it would be the greatest honour for me to do so.

Dear Rippy,

Meeting you and Cal together meant so much for me, to have a group of friends close in proximity where we could share our stories of what we were going through, and support one another in our struggles. To hear each victory on your end gave me strength, and knowing I had such a kind, gentle person who had my back meant the world to me. Someday I hope you'll be able to see yourself as your friends see you, because you're a wonderful person who has brought so much good to my life.

Dear Sae,

There is so much I have to say, but also so many difficulties for me to say it. You are so genuinely kind and considerate, and have so many talents you've grown. You've always been supporting me, even if you do so quietly. I'm eternally grateful for your cheering from the distance, and I hope that someday we can talk about all our experiences with everything.

Dear Henpai,

Thank you for always being there and doing your best to interact with everyone, and for all the hilarious, random meme pics you create in my stream! You're growing so much as a person, and I'm really looking forward to seeing you be more comfortable as yourself, and more confident!

Dear Jum,

I do not know you as well as Luna and Cal do, but what I do know is so utterly impressive. For you to have been there for them so supportively, and look out for them in the way you have, I am so grateful that they have a friend such as yourself, and I'm happy that I too get to call you my friend.

Dear Luna,

What else is there left to say that I haven't said to you already in conversation. You're an amazing person, and so often I think back and am astounded at just how fortunate I was to meet you, and how many events needed to happen exactly as they did in order for us to become the friends we are today. Each step forward in your life is one I want to follow, I'm so incredibly grateful to be your friend, you are so truly important to me, and I look forward to seeing you grow into an even more incredible person in the future.

Dear Skye,

You arrived in my life just in time to save me from lifelong trauma that could have developed from incidents past, and gave me a friend to lean on and lift me up when I was unable to do so myself. I truly cannot express just how important meet you was, and I cherish the time we are able to spend together, be it through videos games or j-chillin~

Dear Azul,

Both you and Tamsi were the first two artists I formed a connection with that helped me so greatly in my journey to create the type of art and stories I had in my heart. Watching you grow alongside myself and Tamsi, and seeing the amazing progress you've made has reassured me that I'm in such great company. From playing games together, to helping each other with voice training, you've been a pillar in my life, and I can't wait for us to meet up properly soon ;)

Dear Tam,

Along with Tamsi, you were one of the very first people in this community I met and became friends with and I am so grateful y'all were the ones who really stuck true and were such kind, graceful and wise people. I still remember first seeing your photos from Japan, and watching your skirt go speeeen video thinking "I can't wait to be like her someday" hahaha. You were also there the first time I wanted to ask more about voice training, and just hearing how absolutely incredible you sound gave me so much confidence moving forward. Someday, I truly hope to be an artist worthy of drawing an album cover to a song you make. PLEASE TAM I'LL DO IT FOR FREE PLS AAAAAAAASFHJdbjhs THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING MY FRIEND.

Dear Cal, my love, WHUHS POPPPIIIIINNNNNNNNNNN GURLLLLLL AHA

And with that concluded, I'll post a bunch of scribbles made in the time since my last post which never made it to twitter~

Studies~

Unfinished scribbles during my slump~

Birthday drawings~

Also some random other stuff since I so rarely comment on my life outside of art.

Random image because I was playing SC2 with Skye

I also started playing Minecraft for the very first time this year. I actually sorta dropped it after a few hours the first time, but not before leaving my mark.

My second time playing was a bit more organized, and thus Beanland was born~

Lastly, thank you for taking the time to read through this. I know that I'm a fairly private and reclusive person online, and I understand that it can be seen as "cold" or "uncaring", but the truth is more than I just really struggle to deal with attention of any sort. I am so truly grateful for all the company I find myself in, and all the support I've been blessed to recieve. I will endeavor to create the things close to my heart, and I hope that in doing so I can bring some light into the life of those who come across it.

Thank you, thank you all.