First post of 2021, and it has certainly been awhile. So long in fact, that my last post included the birthday drawings I recieved.


So much has happened in the year between, with many of life's up and downs included in the package.


I'd been in quite a slump, both in art and life for the last several months. The pressure of drawing reached a point where I could no longer even enjoy drawing. I enjoyed drawing because it was fun, but a big part of what made it fun to me was seeing how happy it could make people. Unfortunately, as your art reaches a wider audience, there will be people whom either disagree, or disapprove of what you create. I endeavor to keep my ears and mind open to criticisms, but sometimes it feels that people will assume the worst no matter what.


Each story, despite being written from personal experiences, is seen as a blanket statement. The intent behind my comics is stripped from my hands, and others are freely able to insert whatever message they see fit in my work. I honestly do not mind people having their own interpretation of my art, and I even understand if one were to feel that the approach I took in writing it was questionable or up for criticism. The part that was really disheartening for me was reading comments that placed themselves in my position, speaking for me. Reading comments that would just make up a statement while claiming it came from me. I can comprehend people reading my work however they see fit, but I draw the line at making up words to put in my mouth.


To be clear, I very rarely speak about my own work publically. I prefer to let the work stand on its own, which obviously leaves it very open to interpretation. To me, that is something I wish to remain. If there are criticisms of the story, or how it was written, I will gladly accept them. But please, please do not put words in my mouth about my very own stories. Please do not speak for me.


I've worked very hard to get back to a point where I can find the fun in drawing once more, and I'm scared to lose that feeling ever again. I will make every effort to be a stronger artist, but I'm also afraid of being blind to my own shortcomings. Luckily, I am surrounded by friends whom see the value in calling out if they feel someone has misstepped. I have friends I can trust.


I have made so many good friends over the course of last year, and grown with the friends I've had since before. I'm truly grateful to be surrounded by a group of such loving, kind and supportive people.


In turn, I'd like to write a short message to each who wished me well, in the hopes that they too can understand just how much they mean to me.



Dear Tamsi,


I would not be here without you, without your art, and your lively, uplifting spirit. It's so odd for someone my age to admire someone who is so much younger, but above my admiration, I consider you one of my dearest friends. I've learnt so much from you, and if I am someday able to repay what you have given me in life, it would be the greatest honour for me to do so.



Dear Rippy,


Meeting you and Cal together meant so much for me, to have a group of friends close in proximity where we could share our stories of what we were going through, and support one another in our struggles. To hear each victory on your end gave me strength, and knowing I had such a kind, gentle person who had my back meant the world to me. Someday I hope you'll be able to see yourself as your friends see you, because you're a wonderful person who has brought so much good to my life.




Dear Sae,


There is so much I have to say, but also so many difficulties for me to say it. You are so genuinely kind and considerate, and have so many talents you've grown. You've always been supporting me, even if you do so quietly. I'm eternally grateful for your cheering from the distance, and I hope that someday we can talk about all our experiences with everything.



Dear Henpai,


Thank you for always being there and doing your best to interact with everyone, and for all the hilarious, random meme pics you create in my stream! You're growing so much as a person, and I'm really looking forward to seeing you be more comfortable as yourself, and more confident!



Dear Jum,


I do not know you as well as Luna and Cal do, but what I do know is so utterly impressive. For you to have been there for them so supportively, and look out for them in the way you have, I am so grateful that they have a friend such as yourself, and I'm happy that I too get to call you my friend.



Dear Luna,


What else is there left to say that I haven't said to you already in conversation. You're an amazing person, and so often I think back and am astounded at just how fortunate I was to meet you, and how many events needed to happen exactly as they did in order for us to become the friends we are today. Each step forward in your life is one I want to follow, I'm so incredibly grateful to be your friend, you are so truly important to me, and I look forward to seeing you grow into an even more incredible person in the future.



Dear Skye,


You arrived in my life just in time to save me from lifelong trauma that could have developed from incidents past, and gave me a friend to lean on and lift me up when I was unable to do so myself. I truly cannot express just how important meet you was, and I cherish the time we are able to spend together, be it through videos games or j-chillin~



Dear Azul,


Both you and Tamsi were the first two artists I formed a connection with that helped me so greatly in my journey to create the type of art and stories I had in my heart. Watching you grow alongside myself and Tamsi, and seeing the amazing progress you've made has reassured me that I'm in such great company. From playing games together, to helping each other with voice training, you've been a pillar in my life, and I can't wait for us to meet up properly soon ;)



Dear Tam,


Along with Tamsi, you were one of the very first people in this community I met and became friends with and I am so grateful y'all were the ones who really stuck true and were such kind, graceful and wise people. I still remember first seeing your photos from Japan, and watching your skirt go speeeen video thinking "I can't wait to be like her someday" hahaha. You were also there the first time I wanted to ask more about voice training, and just hearing how absolutely incredible you sound gave me so much confidence moving forward. Someday, I truly hope to be an artist worthy of drawing an album cover to a song you make. PLEASE TAM I'LL DO IT FOR FREE PLS AAAAAAAASFHJdbjhs THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING MY FRIEND.





And with that concluded, I'll post a bunch of scribbles made in the time since my last post which never made it to twitter~
















Unfinished scribbles during my slump~



















Birthday drawings~




Also some random other stuff since I so rarely comment on my life outside of art.


Random image because I was playing SC2 with Skye



I also started playing Minecraft for the very first time this year. I actually sorta dropped it after a few hours the first time, but not before leaving my mark.


My second time playing was a bit more organized, and thus Beanland was born~











Lastly, thank you for taking the time to read through this. I know that I'm a fairly private and reclusive person online, and I understand that it can be seen as "cold" or "uncaring", but the truth is more than I just really struggle to deal with attention of any sort. I am so truly grateful for all the company I find myself in, and all the support I've been blessed to recieve. I will endeavor to create the things close to my heart, and I hope that in doing so I can bring some light into the life of those who come across it.


Thank you, thank you all.




It's been awhile. I didn't realize how long it's been since I last posted here, hahaha. Anyway, here's some unfinished scribbles that I never got around to posting~



Future emote?




New character from a 4koma I'll post soon! I've grown very attached to her hahahah.



Okay, enough of my drawings! Here's some artwork that some viewers have drawn for me~! 😊


A random blursed doodle by Remirii


A Pas dispenser by Oz


A bit of a joke from the stream, with the old UwU emote vs the new UwU emote by Henpai.


Fanart from after I killed Toriel in my first playthrough of Undertale by Oz


Bonus scribble they made in our Drawpile session together hahaha


The full Drawpile with Azul, Tamsi, Oz, Tam and myself


Art of Claudine (Hanneskun) and my character after we spent a good amount of time gushing over each other on stream by Henpai


An accurate depiction of what my stream has somehow become due to a few snipers, by Remirii


And lastly, although I'm not too public about it, my Birthday passed awhile back and I just wanted to share these wonderful drawing gifts I recieved.


My three OCs by Henpai


A drawing of me by Tamsi, I will treasure it forever tyvmilubro


Of course he couldn't even let my Birthday pass without calling me a boomer... What is life.


Lastly I just wanted to write my thoughts properly. I know I say it at the end of every stream, but honestly thank you all for sticking around, keeping me company and supporting me on this journey. I truly wouldn't have made it this far without you all, and I consider myself blessed to be surrounded by such a welcoming and friendly community.


I've actually spent the last 6 months adjusting to life after moving, but I've finally settled more permanently, in both living situation and meeting wonderful people that I get to spend my time with. There have been so many steps taken to get here, but I just wanted to thank you for being with me. Many of you probably have no idea how encouraging it was even just to have small conversations on stream where we can relax and joke together.


I've recieved so many private messages of support and encouragement. Please know that I do indeed read them all, and feel lucky that even after so long without making a post, there are still those out there who think to check in on me and see if things are okay. Things are okay, and I'm thankful for the time and empathy shown to make sure I'm doing well.


I have so many stories I want to tell, and things I want to draw. I'm finally at a point where I've taken care of what needs to be done, and feel like for the first time in my life I can move forward openly and honestly. I'm grateful to each and every one of you for helping me arrive at this point, thanks for making my life a better one.


Oh, actually one last thing. If anyone else is still playing Animal Crossing feel free to share your FC! I've been playing with a group of friends and it's been a lot of fun stalking the turnip market week after week, and ruining Skye's island everytime I visit. I thought I'd just leave you with my conversation with Dom, my favorite villager.



Bonus tweet, I love my stream viewers lmao


Drawing a new banner.


Also damn Johan, ever since he drew these two together I couldn't stop imagining them as a couple...




Some scribbles from stream. The gang, hopefully we can drawpile together this year!


Alex as a musician.


The cropped hoodie I got for Christmas~


Drawing something to replace the image of Phos I've had under my Twitch stream that links to my twitter.



Happy New Year

Hello again. It has been exactly 2 months since my last post. A lot has happened in that time, a lot has happened this year, if I'm being honest. There were a lot of things I wanted to include in this post, after having not made an entry for so long. But I realized that all the moments that have happened are things I can't properly express in words. So I will instead show it through my art, over the coming year.


My life changed a lot in 2019, and I suspect it will change even more in 2020. I look foward to these changes, and I hope I can be more comfortable as both a person and an artist. There is so much I want to share with the world, so many things I want to say and show. I hope I can express everything in my mind and heart this year.


Anyway, enough rambling, here's some unfinished scribbles.





Finally getting around to making some emotes for my stream. It really has been too long.


Test printing some stickers.


Some drawpile with friends~


I just wanted to share some art people drew for me I had been meaning to post here for ages, but for various reasons never got around to it.



By JellyMagpie <3


By Caym <3



By Spice <3


By Johan <3

Lastly I just wanted to write a personal message to anyone who still reads this blog. 2019 has been quite a year for me, with many ups and downs. I experienced lower lows than I've ever gone through in my life, but I also have found happiness beyond anything I've known before. I've gotten to meet many new people, and make some wonderful friends in the process. I so look foward to what 2020 will bring. For the first time in a long time, I am actually looking forward to living into the future. I have so many people to thank for my even still being here, but it's beyond what I can express. So thank you, the you who is reading this. Thank you so much for your messages of support and encouragement. Thank you for being here, and for keeping me company. I feel lucky to have met so many of you.


I wish you all a very lovely New Year, may your future be filled with hope and kindness. I hope to create art more openly and honestly in 2020, please continue to cheer for me.


With Love,


Pas <3

I want to die.

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 

I want to die. 


Why can't I be saved. Why do I even need to be saved. Why can't this just end painlessly.


I have tried, to the best of my ability, to make friends. And I have failed utterly. I have arrived at the end of my endurance as a human being. I am alone. And I am sorry.


I'm sorry I let you down, Pas. I'm sorry I couldn't find a better path forward. I'm sorry this had to hurt so much. You were right, Pas. You weren't strong enough after all.


I'm going to begin this post with one, and only one scribble that I worked on last stream. It's of Hanneskun's OC Claudine, whom I love and want to see more comics about!


Bonus megane enby from another earlier stream that I never got around to posting.


And if you're just here for my scribbles, this is where you can stop reading.


This is going to be a bit of a long post, and for that, I'm sorry. These thoughts are not well-organized, and more just a means of me putting thoughts down to paper. They are not written to anybody in particular, and as such require no audience.


I just need to clear my head a bit. This blog has traditionally been a place where I felt comfortable posting and even sharing my thoughts in the past. There are two topics I want to cover, and neither is particularly interesting but writing this down will help ease my mind to some extent.


I don't like attention. It seems like such a stupid thing to say when I use social media such as twitter, but what I mean specifically is that I don't want attention as a person.


I get great joy reading messages from people who let me know they enjoy the drawings I've made, and how much it means to them. It's a huge (probably the largest) component in what encourages me to continue drawing. I get a bit uncomfortable when the praise falls onto me, the artist. In many ways I do not feel I deserve it, people don't know me, and I don't feel like I am a good enough person to recieve such kind words.


I have spoken about it in private with only one person before, a stream viewer who reached out to contact me personally (I'm not going to mention your name out of respect for your privacy).


Both my stream and this blog act as a sort of "release" for me, in the sense that I can draw, talk to people and share my thoughts. Somewhere along the line I realized I had become more reclusive of a person, afraid to really open up to anyone, and thus unable to really form any meaningful connection. This is largely due to me holding a very low opinion of myself, I don't want people to know or think about me. If I can produce art that people enjoy or find meaningful to them, that is enough for me.


When I feel I'm getting too much attention I tend to become quite stressed out, as if people are judging me. This is despite the fact that every interaction I've had with people has been nothing but positive. The irony is that every single person who has DM'd me or sent me a message has been incredibly warm and supportive, but it only makes me feel like I don't deserve that kindness.


This blog has always been important to me because I always felt like at most there were 5 people reading it, one of them being myself. It helped ease the pressure of posting, because even if I uploaded some terrible scribble, it was a scribble I made and I was happy to post it in my journal. It always felt like, if you were reading my blog you were here because you knew me as a person, someone more than just the artist who shared stuff on pixiv, or twitter.


Being able to talk and interact with people on stream is something I don't think I'll ever be able to describe properly. It's an incredibly precious thing to me. All the silly conversations people had, xeni sneaking bananas into pictures, naemi's beautiful and haunting poetry, and the overwhelming support I've been blessed enough to receive. Those moments are like precious gems to me, and it's also why I stopped recording my VODs. I enjoyed being able to experience that moment as exactly that, a moment. Nothing to look back on, because looking back would mean looking at myself, and I really hate to do that.


I want to reiterate, I am grateful beyond words for the kindness I have been shown, but as much as possible I do not wish for people to think about me. I am so uncomfortable with who I am as a person, and every day I am working on trying to be in a better place. I am not there yet, and I'm sorry for sounding so ungrateful. I just really don't feel comfortable with people praising me, I really don't deserve it. I'm happy if we can be happy together, and hopefully in the future I'll be in a better place where I'm more confident in myself.




So my second topic is one that has been personally deeply upsetting. I know I'm acting emotionally, but I don't have any friends I can talk to about this. Ultimately, this blog feels like the most comfortable place to vent my thoughts.


In my loneliness, I searched for a new discord to join and maybe meet some people to get along with. Initially I looked towards Animal Crossing-related servers because I am super excited for New Horizons releasing next year. Unfortunately I found that the smaller, cosy servers I joined were filled with 14-20 year olds, and while I feel there is nothing wrong with that, I felt a bit out of place, like I would be intruding on their space by being so much older. So I left.


I think ultimately I am just looking for people to connect with. Loneliness is a terrible thing, I don't think humans were ever meant to be alone.


I joined a few scanlation discords (for manga that I enjoyed reading) but since there was no centralized topic it felt difficult even just chatting normally.


I ended up looking into a few trans discord servers, but unfortunately most seemed to be largely fetishizing trans people in with crossdressers and femboys. Luckily, found one that looked like it might not only be welcoming, but even a good fit. A server made by an artist who also drew an anime-styled openly trans character! And not just any trans character, but probably the most iconic one for the trans community, long before I had drawn my characters. I was excited about perhaps getting to talk with the artist and just ask the questions I had about drawing positive trans representation within the anime medium.


From here on out I won't name servers or people, because I feel it is in bad taste to speak ill of people publically.


When I joined, I searched "paxiti" out of curiosity because I was interested in seeing if my art had ever actually directly reached the communities I created them for.


I really, really wish that I hadn't searched it, and if there was one regret I had in all of this, it's that I searched my own handle. I wish I hadn't read what the artist who was the very reason I picked the server to join was saying about me publically.


I can handle people who hate lgbt+ content sending me their awful messages. I've read enough messages saying that if they ever met me in person they would kill me, or that I should die. I've seen my images edited with nazi imagery, or altered in other ways. I have been on the internet long enough for this to not matter to me.


But what really sucks, and what really hurts, is when people who I really respect can say such negative things of me. It's not that they dislike me that bothers me, because I feel everybody is free to their opinion. You don't have to like me, I know I'm not a person who should be looked up to to begin with. It's the fact you hate me for reasons that are not true.


I have censored names, but left the conversation in-tact. The gaps in the screenshots are when other people were talking about unrelated topics.





I would just like to interject here to mention I have never once said the character is not trans.


This particular comment hurt to read, but I can understand it. I have drawn things in the past which do not bode well for what the artist's personal beliefs could be, the biggest being the "trapped" 4koma that I made back in September of 2017. With that said, I do not personally know Astolfo's gender, as it has never been explicity mentioned in the cannonical works. While I understand this could largely be due to the creator's lack of understanding with trans issues, I also believe there remains the option that Astolfo is Non-Binary, or even just a Gender-non-conforming male. There is no problem with any of those options. No matter what Astolfo is, I don't think that is for me to decide. If other people want to Headcanon astolfo as a trans woman, that's fine too. Trans representation within anime is so limited, so it makes complete sense for people to see it in characters where all the signs are visible, despite it not being explicitly mentioned.


The one regret I have with that 4koma is my usage of the term "trapped" for the title. Regardless, I have left it up all this time because I think it's important not to pretend like it didn't happen. To the me who drew that 4koma at the time, that term was the most commonly accepted term to refer to otokonoko characters, at least within the wider anime community, which was where I was coming from. This is not an excuse, but rather an explaination. I fully accept anyone being upset at me for making it, I was wrong and if I could turn back the clock I wouldn't have done it. Reading more into it, and learning how harmful it was to trans people was enough of a reason for me to stop using the term. I believe people can change, and maybe it's not enough for you, but I am trying to be a better person.


Again, I really dislike how something that I never even said is being used as a sword against me. I have not once said the trans flag does not represent trans people. Where are you getting this from? Why are you so okay with attacking someone when your information isn't even in the realms of being correct?


To add a bit to this point, why is it that you feel people/characters who are not openly trans are not allowed to express affection for the trans community? I mean, in this case the character is clearly trans, but what of those who are still not out yet? Are these people not allowed to wear the colours? Is it only after you have declared to the world "I AM TRANS" that you be allowed to wear the trans pride colours?



The quote here seems to be strongly mis-remembered. Here is the actual quote, for reference (from this post):


I was not "disappointed and disgusted" with the trans community. I was hurt, because in some of the comments I read I saw how other people were hurt by the belief that it had been written by an author who considered the characters crossdressers, which was false. But it still hurt to see something I made cause such distress to the very people I had wanted to properly represent.


And, since the intent behind said message was so wildly mis-interpreted, I feel the need to clarify and re-iterate said statement. To me, people within the trans community, having exeperienced and endured so much ridicule and hate from people deciding what they could and couldn't be, had a much more heightened sense of when such a thing occurs in general.


I really began to doubt my approach when I read some comments within the trans community that were discussing how disgusting it was that the author called the characters crossdressers (which was not true, but because the story had been labeled on other sites as such, and shared around with messages attached) or felt like because I didn't explicitly mention their gender right on page 1 (which again, I did but only one person actually picked up on it) that it was bad. I feel it has become incredibly difficult for me to draw characters who divert anywhere else without having to make sure I include a giant, flashing sign to let people know said character is trans (which you can see reflected in a character design who literally has the colours for her hair).


I understand that twitter is not always the best place for nuance, and I am even proud of of the characters I designed with the colours in their hair. But what I wished people would understand was that that comic was written with an audience of people who ARE NOT familiar with trans issues in mind, and my intent was to try and write it in a way where by the end perhaps they would have an idea of what it was like to be trans, even if only in a small way. Lessons are best learnt when the person is allowed to have that moment of realization themselves, at least this is my belief. It does not mean they can't be educted, but for me, a lot of the times education means more than just telling them the answer. Helping people to understand how one arrives at something is equally as important as knowing what the destination is.


I can understand this disagreement. I have had very long conversations in the past with some friends about my decision to not specify certain things. I have recieved many comments asking the gender/pronouns of my characters, and even more asking me personally what I am. I will not answer this, and nobody will make me answer this until I am comfortable doing so.


What is it that you want from me? I am not you. I am certainly not as confident, or even strong as you are. There are things I can do, and am actively trying to do. I would like my art to bring happiness to those who choose to view it. I am trying to make sure that my images have positive trans representation, because I have seen first-hand just how important it has been for some people. I am working on being a stronger person. Why is it okay for you to fault me for not being at your level? You own a server with over a thousand people in it, many of whom are your fans. I don't have that connection, and believe it or not, I am not that well connected in terms of my links with the trans community.


I am lucky to have a small number of incredibly warm and kind trans viewers who on occassion tune into my stream, and I greatly enjoy my conversations with them. I am trying to reach out to some trans artists I really admire (like hanneskun) online so I can learn from them, this is also the very reason I joined your server. I want to break out of my shell and meet people, to better understand things and have a wider perspective.


But I don't see why you think that I have this aura around me because I am a "popular artist". I don't feel like one, all the artists I used to know are much more popular than me. Even most of the Japanese artists I know are far more popular. Who gets to decide this? Am I supposed to tell people what to think, and use my numbers to enforce the idea that my message is correct? I do not feel confident that I have all the answers, and I never want to tell people what they should think.


I really, REALLY don't understand why you are like this. I have not once claimed to speak for the trans community, or to guide or lead them. I am in debt to said community, because they've helped me understand things about myself, and others. I am fortunate that every trans person who I have met has been nothing short of an amazing person, filled with kindness and warmth. You are also a part of that community, yet you are projecting this false idea of who I am, and then judging me for that same false idea. Why is it okay for you to tear me down when you don't even know me at all?


I never met you, or spoke with you at all before. Yet I had a great amount of respect as you had produced things that I've seen help people who are going through incredibly difficult moments in their life. I don't know everything there is to know about you, what you've done or where you've been. But I know you're doing good things now, and that's enough for me. You don't know me either, you've never once spoken with me. You don't need to respect me, but why do you feel the need to speak so ill of me? I am sorry if my art is not up to par with your expectations, I am working as hard as I can to always try and be better. Why can't you allow me that, without saying something so negative?


I read in one of your other comments you passed off your condemnations as simply "critique", and while I am no stranger to criticisms, do you not realize you are criticising me on things that I have never claimed, or said? I know my art isn't perfect, and not all the ideas I've drawn are funny or respectful enough. I have a long way to go, this I know. But is there not a better way to go about this, rather than slander?


There are many things I still don't know, and I am doing the best I can to try and draw in a way that is non-judgmental, and hopefully kind. And on the topic of judgment, I want to lastly address your concern with my balloon comic.

The ballooon comic was in-fact based almost word-for-word on a conversation I had with one of my closest friends. I am VERY careful with the dialogue of any comic I am writing, and the choice of words is very specifically intentional.

There is a reason the character says "but". There is a reason I did not write it as "I support you and you'll always be ██████ to me." The message of the comic is not "discard people if they don't immediately understand you." the message is "Don't be afraid to let go of people in your life who are never going to truly support you."


Whether you actually want to let them go or not is up to you. But you should not feel like you owe it to somebody to put up with their behaviour just because you are concerned about inconveniencing them.


While I agree that it is largely a beneficial thing for trans people to be patient and help others understand their feelings, I would like to disagree with you on one thing you mentioned. People who are trans are under no obligation to endure mistreatment and misgendering while still being required to politely and patiently educate the very people who are hurting them. It is a courtesy, one that many trans people will extend to those who are close with them. It is not something that should be expected, or demanded. The burden of trans acceptence does not lie solely with the trans community.


I am not surrounded by as trans-knowledgeable people as perhaps you are. Some friends I have known for years still struggle to understand things that most trans people would consider rudimentary. Despite this, I have persisted in trying to open a discourse with them, and perhaps get them to understand that while they may never know what it feels like, the least they could do is not judge people poorly for something that already brings them so much suffering. I have caught flak for this in my own, private circle of friends. Some of the trans-related things I have drawn make them uncomfortable, or make jokes about me for. It is incredibly demoralizing, and a huge reason why some of the positive comments I have recieved online are so important and precious to me.

If you ever do read this, the artist who wrote most of the complaints, I want you to know that I really think you did a good thing in creating the character you did, and fostering the community you have. It was a huge reason I wanted to join and participate, in the hopes of meeting people like yourself who I felt on some level I had a connection to, both being artists who drew anime-styled trans characters. I know now you do not share this sentiment, and that's okay too. If I'm being completely honest, it really hurts, but I accept that I am not on your level in terms of trans awareness.


Ultimately I wanted to make art that could bring some happiness to the people who read them. I know that won't always be possible, but I really was trying my best. I feel as though I am drowning under the weight of people's expectations. No artwork is perfect, but it feels like even when I really do try my best in creating art that people in the trans community can enjoy, there will always be other people in the same community who misinterpret it as derogatory, or do not believe I am doing enough.


I am not strong enough for this. I really can't take it. I have tried, I really did try. I know that might not be enough for you, but I can't handle much more. There are so many stories I wanted to tell, and things I wanted to write, but ultimately I do not feel confident, or capable enough to accomplish them. I'm sorry.

*casts revive on blog*

Backlog of scribbles that will never be finished...







Bonus scribble of one of the characters from the short comic strip, I like her design quite a bit actually.


Also, this is what happens when you ask your chat to collectively design a character, and then try to assign the colours for said character. Possibly the most repulsive thing I've drawn to date, somehow managing to be even worse than the first time I did this with chat. You know, as difficult as this may be to believe, the drawing actually looked halfway decent until we reached the skirt/tights colour, and then it just took a nosedive. Naemi linked this image of the end result along with some chat, and I think it basically sums up the experience...


Overall though, it's a really fun experience to make a drawing with the chat voting on design/colours. Possibly one of the most enjoyable things for me to do on stream, so I fully intend on doing another (3rd) one in the future. Just please, please let's aim to be better than the 2nd. Surely it cannot get much worse than this.


I think I'll try include a song I've been listening to with each post, might make it easier to post more frequently. Anyway, here's a song I only found recently but I've really enjoyed it, and after checking out the album I really like their sound:

Lastly, but most importantly, a stream viewer drew two of my characters awhile ago but I never got around to showing it off since I hadn't posted in so long. But I really love the picture and wanted to share it here. I can't describe how happy it makes me to recieve the kind messages and lovely fanart I've gotten, and saying "thank you" almost feels ungrateful because it doesn't quite capture how much it means to me. I really do appreciate every bit of support, no matter how small. So thanks everyone, and thank you Edeni for this drawing, I never really expected to have fanart of characters I drew, and I really take it as one of the highest forms of flattery. Thanks!